|Sending Wedding Invitations to Kids|
“My son is invited to my wedding, but he lives with my ex-wife in another state. Should I send him a formal invitation?”
If you and your ex do not get along, then sending a formal wedding invitation to her home might appear like you are flaunting your new marriage, and that’s poor ex-etiquette. However, it’s important to make sure that your son knows that he is invited, welcome, and that you love him. Your best bet would be to discuss your remarriage and wedding plans with your son by phone and forgo sending wedding invitation. Just remember that your ex-wife should be notified at some point so that the news of your new marriage does not come from your son. That could be perceived as just more fuel for the fire.
If you and your ex are on friendly terms, however, and support each other’s desire to remarry, and if you are confident that your ex-wife will not badmouth or undermine you in front of your son when the wedding invitation arrives to your child in the mail is appropriate. He will probably like to save a wedding invitation as a keepsake.
“I would like to formally invite my sister’s bonuschildren to my wedding. They are between the ages of eleven and thirteen. Do I need to send them separate wedding invitations, or may I just tell their parents they are invited?”
Of course you can tell their parents, but if you are looking for “proper”, wedding invitations should be issued to all children over the age of ten or eleven whom you wish to invite. You may send one wedding invitation to all the children in one family, if you like. In that case, the inner envelope is addressed to the children-for example, “Michael and Billy”
“This is my second marriage, and most of my friends have kids. I know some of my friends will want to bring their children to our wedding, but we are on a very strict budget; plus it’s a candlelight ceremony at midnight on New Year’s Eve. I just don’t think kids are appropriate. How do I tactfully tell them not to bring their children?”
This time of your wedding ceremony should be a good enough indicator to your guests that children are not invited. Of course, there may be some really dense parents who feel it is appropriate to drag their children out of bed to attend a midnight wedding. If you want to be polite and if you or your attendants are asked if children are invited, simply say, “Gee, midnight is terribly late for children, isn’t it?”
If it’s afternoon wedding, it might not be as obvious that children are not invited. Another way to offer a hint to people whom you fear will bring their kids is to not include the words “number attending" on the reply cards, and to be sure to list the name of each adult invited on the envelopes of your wedding invitations. This is a good way to indicate that the wedding invitations are open only to the people to whom it is addressed, not the entire family. Children should be left at home if either their names or “and family” are not included on the wedding invitations. There is one exception- if the child is newborn and the mother is nursing. Parents should make child-care arrangements for toddlers and older children
Once you make your decision, there should be no exceptions. It is sure to alienate guests when they realize that other children were invited while there were not. Be aware that, if there are few younger children in the wedding party, some guests automatically assume that children are invited. And then there are those few who bring along their children even when they have been asked not to do so.