Usually people know when romance is in the air and marriage is a possibility, but family and good friends deserve your special attention and there is an order to the telling. The guidelines of when and whom to tell have to do with people’s feelings. Certain family members and close friends should hear the news first.

 

Children. If one or both of the engaged couple have children, they must be told before anyone else. This is critically important for young children, and for teens whose lives will be dramatically changed by the addition of a stepparent and perhaps stepsiblings. They may be thrilled, but they are just as likely to be doubtful, reluctant and even frightened and resentful. It takes love, honesty, and infinite patience to transform individuals into a family, so respect every child need to question your decision and seek your reassurance. You should also tell an ex-spouse, if for no other reason than to smooth the way for your children’s involvement.

It’s just as important to inform adult children before publicly announcing an engagement. No matter how far away they may live or how independent they are, children of any age should be uppermost in the couple’s concerns

 

Parents. After children, parents deserve priority. You can each inform your own parents or speak as a couple with both sets of parents. If your parents don’t know the fiancée or fiancé, it’s your responsibility to arrange a meeting. If your parents live at a distance, you can make introductions by phone, but also plan to visit as soon as you can. Nothing is better than getting together in person.

When parents are separated or divorced, the news is conveyed to each- in person, if possible, or by the most convenient means. Even if a parent and child are somewhat estranged, a parent should not hear the news of his or her child’s marriage plans from outsiders.

In the event that the announcement will be a total surprise, each member of the couple should be considerate of his or her own parents and talk privately with them first. This allows parents to ask questions that they may be hesitant to ask with their future son- or daughter-in-law present. Couples who are mature enough for marriage should understand that parents have perfectly normal worries and should be allowed to express their concerns. Openness at this stage may prevent difficulties later.

 

Relatives and close friends. Depending on your family structure, there are probably some relatives-siblings, grandparents, close aunts, uncles, and cousins- the good friends whom you will want to inform soon after you tell your parents. Always include them as special people in the know before the rest of the world finds out. When and how you spread the word is up to you, so as long as you’re sensitive to people’s feelings and thoughtful of what is going on in their lives.

Don’t make promises before you have planned the wedding. Some couples find themselves with a much larger wedding party than they want, or can afford, because in the euphoria of becoming engaged, they ask too many people to be bridesmaids and groomsmen. Others risk hurting the feelings of people they care about having to rescind such invitation.

 

Colleagues and coworkers.  A newly engaged employee may want to inform a boos or supervisor first as a matter of courtesy. The easiest way to spread the news among your colleagues is to tell one or two people and ask them to tell the others. At some point , you should discuss your impending change in status with the person in charge of employee compensation and make necessary alterations in benefit, insurance, and retirement